There is some timeline skewing in this fic. I am well aware that Silverbolt and Black Arachnea do not begin their relationship until well after Tigatron and Airazor die. Just bear with me.

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Disclaimer: All Beast Wars characters are owned by Hasbro except for... um... waitaminute, I forgot to add a fanfic character... um... The eggnogg is owned by me. :D

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'Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the base
Dinobot was seeking
To bash Rattrap's face.

"Get back here, you vermin!"
He snarled very meanly.
"I'll bite your head off and
I'll gut you quite cleanly!"

Rhinox was repairing
Sentinel with care,
With the knowledge that Megatron
Soon would be there.

At Rattrap and Dinobot
He just shook his head.
Either they'd calm down eventually,
Or they'd wind up dead.

"Six Pred signatures
Circling around back!"
Said Cheetor, on radar,
Quite nervous in fact.

Optimus entered
The bridge in a hurry.
"We'll have to move quick -
This is gonna get furry."

"They'll have an advantage
'Till Sentinel's repaired.
We'll press the attack,"
The Boss Monkey declared.

Although it was crazy,
They had no other choice.
There's no arguing with Optimus
With that tone in his voice.

So Optimus led the others
On their counterattack.
Dinobot and Rattrap
Fought back to back.

Cheetor was grappling
With an enraged Waspinator,
Who soon looked like he'd
Been through a cheese grater.

Optimus and Megs
Were scrappin' all out,
When Tigatron appeared
And started to shout:

"This is not right at all!
Christmas Eve is tonight!
At least until New Year's,
please stop this fight!"

Black Arachnia, who'd know -
She'd studied such things -
Said, "He's right, you know."
And tugged Silverbolt's wings.

Silverbolt blushed
At this display of affection,
Thinking of things
He was too knightly to mention.

"Bah humbug!" Megs huffed,
And attacked on the fly.
"Christmas means nothing
To one such as I."

"But why would you say that?"
Optimus protested.
"I thought this was the holiday
That you least detested."

"It's not Christmas itself,
Megs explained, "not at all.
But this whole rhyming business
Drives me up the wall."

"I'll admit it's annoying,"
Said Primal, "but still,
Chrismas holidays give us
A good time to chill."

"It's a time to get together
With friends and family,
And count all our blessings,
And thank the Matrix we're free."

Megatron, annoyed at
Optimus's speechmaking,
Saw an opportunity
Ripe for the taking.

He charged his tail blaster
And shot Optimus point-blank.
His troops knew they'd better
Get him in a CR tank.

Just then, inside, Rhinox
Got Sentinel working,
So both sides retreated.
But in the shadows, lurking,

Tarantulas crept
To the Axalon's side.
He checked his equipment
And then he sighed.

"It seems with the Maximals
I must cooperate.
What a distasteful thought!
But such is my fate."

"Tarantulas to Axalon,"
The spider said to his comm.
"I've got something for you,
And no, it's not a bomb."

"Don't answer!" cried Rattrap.
"We can't trust him one bit!"
Chortled Tarantulas, "True,
And what of it?"

"I have here in my hand
A special recipe.
It was in Megatron's files
About Earth, don't you see."

"Within it contains -
Prepare to be agog -
Megatron's sole weakness.
A recipe for EGGNOGG."

Agape with astonishment
at the spider's panache,
It was a few moments before
Rhinox said, "What's the catch?"

"Only your promise
That you'll get Megatron drunk.
With his high functions shorted,
His position is sunk,

And I will take over."
"Deal!" Optimus cried,
Who'd just come from CR
And was at Cheetor's side.

So the recipe was gotten,
And the plan was begun,
Said Cheetor eagerly,
"This oughta be fun."

The Maxies endeavored
To make it just right.
One batch was too sugary
And one was too light.

Next batch: too much cinnamon.
Next batch: not enough.
They had to admit
That cooking was tough.

But finally they got
The eggnogg just right;
They vowed to deliver it
That very night.

So that night in the darkness
Like two fuzzy Wise Men,
Rattrap and Tigatron
Went to the Pred den.

Tarantulas, ever helpful
(note the sarcasm),
Led the Maximals in
Through an unmonitored chasm.

Megatron was taking
His bath before bed,
While visions of carnage
Danced in his head.

Rattrap was leading
Since he'd been there before.
Tiga carried the 'nogg
Since he was higher off the floor.

The Maximals left it
Just outside Megsie's room,
With a note simply saying,
'Merry Xmas to you!'

Then they made tracks -
The Pred base was nerve-wracking.
Plus, if the Preds found them,
They'd all be attacking.

Megatron toweled off,
And he sighed, "There are
Few pleasures comparable
To a bath in the CR."

"Now that I'm clean
As a whistle, my dear
Rubber ducky, I'll head off to -
Now who put this here?"

As you've probably guessed,
He'd stumbled on the nogg.
The look on his face
Could be described as 'agog.'

But only because that's
The only word that will rhyme.
Megatron tasted it
And whispered, "Sublime!"

"Although I'm not partial
To mere earthly pleasures,
Eggnogg is one
Of my greatest treasures."

"I know not who put this
On my doorstep," he cried,
"But I like him! My tounge's
Gone to heaven and died!"

The fact that he'd gotten
It backwards only seemed
To heighten his joy.
His eyes truly gleamed.

With that he proceeded
To get uproariously drunk,
And if it'd just been him,
He WOULD have been sunk,

But the Maximals cleverly
Supplied each Pred 'bot
With their very own jug
Of eggnogg, piping hot.

So then, in short space,
All the Preds' higher processes
Were fried completely.
(Not that you'd notice the losses.)

Waspinator, the only Pred
Who didn't partake
Of the 'nogg - he's allergic -
Started to quake.

"If the Maximals attack,"
He fairly hiccuped,
"While everyone's like this,
We're all getting blown up!"

Making a decision he wasn't
Technically allowed,
He contacted the Axalon,
Sounding properly cowed.

"Since it is Christmas Eve,
Let's call a truce.
All the Predacons're outta
Their minds on that juice."

Rhinox grinned hugely,
And answered, "No prob.
We'll agree not to attack,"
He said with aplomb.

Waspinator, who
Was greatly relieved,
Clicked off the comm.
But Dinobot was peeved.

"Why do we not
Attack them right now?!"
He demanded, lacing
His voice with a growl.

Optimus answered,
"We all need a break.
Now quit griping or
I'll toss you in a lake."

Dinobot shut up,
Not wanting to admit
That if he needed anything,
A vacation was it.

"Now I'll get the fruitcake,
And you get the tree,"
Optimus said. "We'll have
An Earth-style jubilee."

"With no threat of attack
From the Predacon base -
Since we all made sure
That the Preds are all faced - "

"We can party all night
Without a worry or care.
So let's start the fun!
Who's up for Truth or Dare?"

Cheetor joined eagerly
And the rest followed suit.
Rattrap, Rhinox, Airazor,
And Dinobot to boot.

The game started out
Harmless enough.
But it wasn't long
Before Rattrap got tough.

"Truth or dare, Dino-butt?"
"Dare," came the reply.
Rattrap looked him over
With a gleam in his eye.

"We've still got some 'nogg
Left over - I dare ya
To chug some o' that! Unless,
Of course, it scares ya."

How could Dinobot refuse
Such a challenge from the rat?
He'd have to take the dare.
And that, frankly, was that.

He went to the kitchen
And poured himself a mug.
And, aware Rattrap was watching,
Began to casually chug.

"He's doin' it, he's doin' it!"
Cheetor jumped up and down.
The Maximals rolled their eyes,
But Dino winced at the sound.

See, a little-known fact
About our favorite Pred,
Is that alcohol very quickly
Can go to his head.

With Dinobot being tipsy
And Truth or Dare still goin',
The winds of insanity
Were definitely blowin'.

First Dinobot dared Cheetor
To do what he'd done,
Then Cheetor dared Optimus,
Then it REALLY got fun.

Lampshades and beach balls
And pink elephants too,
It turns out that Tigatron
Can play the kazoo.

Rhinox does a pretty good
Old Irish jig,
And Rattrap looks good
In makeup and a wig.

For hours and hours,
The party went on,
The Maximals' revelry
Rocked the Axalon.

Around about daybreak,
Ev'rything was quiet.
Primal pondered the virtues
Of an eggnogg-less diet.

For although it was Christmas,
a day of joy and light,
All the Maxies had hangovers.
It was not a pretty sight.

"My only consolation,"
He thought with chagrin,
"Is that this boat is the same
As the one the Preds're in."

At the Pred base, Megatron
Was thinking the same.
[It seems no one wins,]
He thought, [at this game.]

Inferno's sleeping face
Was covered in drool.
And at least for the moment,
Waspinator did rule.

To make a long story short,
The Preds were all trashed.
Tarantulas, drunk as anybody,
Looked properly abashed.

And so Christmas dawned
With a peace pure and holy -
More by force than by any
Religious sanctimony.

Speaking of which, here's the moral:
Don't drink wine, liquor, or beer.
The Beast Warriors'll be out of it
At least 'til New Year.

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Feedback can be sent to the author either by email, peppermintwindelement@yahoo.com, or by AIM, SunstoneWEAPON. Email's probably better - my AIM doesn't work half the time.