Warnings: Swearing.

Spoilers:"The Rebirth" saga, vague for season three and the movie.

Obligatory Disclaimer: I own no part of Transformers or any of its characters.

She didn't say anything. She couldn't say anything. All she could do was stare, look on impassively as her husband quietly explained the situation with Daniel and Arcee now. He had been wounded, irrevocably changed, and then he had been given a second chance. So they said. He had bonded with Arcee.

*****************

"How are things holding up?"

Carly Witwicky looked on tiredly as her husband fidgeted in his seat as he spoke to her through the communications screen, twisting a coffee cup in her hand. This was only the third time in six months Spike had managed to contact her. Six months, that is, since Spike had been called to Cybertron with the other Autobots while she had been left behind to take care of a few diplomatic sessions.

Six months coupled with three previous was equivalent to the time since her son's Nebulon bonding with the Headmaster Arcee.

Carly fingered the edge of her cup with a sigh. "I'm fine, thank you. How's Daniel?"

Spike wavered a little at the question before responding stiffly, "Arcee says he's doing fine. The Nebulon doctors' reports say he's responding well to Arcee's mainframe and that there are a few things they wish to keep an eye on.

"Such as?"

Spike shifted a bit in his seat. "Nothing much. They just want to make sure his brain patterns are in tune with her neural processing connections. It's not a big deal, and if there's a problem, they can fix it easily," he assured.

Carly looked him over for a moment. "So, in general, there's nothing for me to worry about?"

"Nope. Kid's doing fine."

"Good," she responded curtly, then promptly turned her gaze somewhere else.

For a few moments, Spike let them sit in silence for awhile. He watched pedestrians stride past the view window behind his wife, eyes flickering back and forth over the faces of strangers. "Carly," he finally spoke, "Are you all right? I mean seriously all right? I know--"

"Everything's fine, Adam" she responded, silencing him with the rare use of his birth name, "Perfectly fine. Other than the small fiasco with the mixed-up reports, the ambassadors have all been rather civil with one another. Tell Optimus Prime he'll be getting a report soon."

Spike Witwicky sighed. "That's not what I meant, Carly. I meant how are you are doing. I'm not stupid. I know what happened to Daniel has hit you hard."

"As long as they say he's okay, then there's nothing for me to worry about, now is there?"

"Don't lie to me, Carly," Spike said sharply, "I've known you for more than two decades now, and I'm quite aware of when something's bothering you." He paused for a moment. "And I know exactly what it is, too."

Carly turned aside slightly. "You're right, Spike, I am upset about Daniel. But I also realize that the alternative was far worse. We still have him, you know? It could be far worse. We owe Arcee everything, for goodness sakes.

"But you must understand the position that puts me as a mother. Such an abrupt change in our lives--the child that you and I have raised for the past twelve years is lost to us. He's a 'headmaster' now, an Autobot's indefinite partner. Already, even just a few months after it's all happened, and he's gone again, off to a planet far away where I can't reach him for a long time. I haven't even spoken to him since he left for Cybertron a few weeks ago--"

"Things have been busy around here. The schedule's extremely demanding of all of us, else we would have talked sooner," Spike said suddenly, interrupting her, "Do you really think I would keep your own son away from you?"

"Of course not! I would never accuse you of such a thing," Carly protested, "It's just that...things have changed, Spike, and they still are changing. So fast that I sometimes feel like I can't keep up. I mean, one day I'm waving goodbye to my son as he goes on another assumedly safe mission, and the next moment I'm on the other side of a phone call learning my son was just paralyzed in an accident. How do you think I feel, Spike? It's not you, it's not Arcee, it's not anyone's fault, but that doesn't mean it still doesn't hurt."

Spike opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it abruptly, unsure of what to say. For a few moments, both individuals mulled over thoughts in stunted, suffocating silence. Finally, Spike broke the quiet.

"Listen, it's been a hard few months for both of us. Between Daniel's condition and the constant separation, as well as adjusting to Optimus' resurrection, things have been a little too much to bear." He smiled gently. "Now that things are settling down, we have time to think and acclimate to our new situation." The soft hint of a smile burst into a full one. "And I'm sure--no, I know--things will turn out all right among the three of us, you know? We didn't come this far only to fall apart."

Carly smiled faintly. "Of course. I'm not afraid, Spike, I never was."

He briefly touched his hand to the screen, and without thinking, she let her fingers brush the glass lightly. "I love you," he said softly. Pulling away, he turned at the sound of another's muffled voice out of sight. He turned back to her after a moment. "Ah...listen, Carly, I gotta go. There's apparently some trouble with the construction plans and they want a human opinion." Spike shook his head. "I'll see ya. Take care."

"You too. Tell Daniel I love him," she called as he began leaving. Carly sighed as the screen fell blank and switched off.

Truth be told, it really had been a difficult nine months. Although normally retaining a calm disposition, the situation surrounding her son's tragic accident had driven her almost to hysterics. The shock of something so horrible occurring...the pain of knowing that she had let him out of her sight...the guilt that she had not been there...

Carly Witwicky sat a trembling hand on the table, forcing herself to relax. There really hadn't been anything she could do about it. That enough was truth.

But it hurt, as it hurt for any creature who had poured time and love into a cherished creation only to have it ripped away. Like the carpenter who builds his house strong only to have it blown down by the raging tempest of time.

All gone away...

Carly Witwicky gently lowered her head into her hands and tried not to weep.

*****************

"Is this seat taken?"

A head-full of blonde hair snapped up as Carly awoke from her reverie. "Huh?" She looked around for the speaker until her eyes caught sight of red metal and realized her field of view was too low. Obligingly, she looked up. "Hello, Hot Rod," she said softly.

"Hey," he answered, equally quiet. He took her silent cue and settled on his knees next to her table. The faintest trace of a tender smile crossed his face. "Sorry if I disturbed or surprised you. I just came down for a drink...didn't you realize you'd be here, but I figured I might as well say hi, and, well..." Hot Rod shrugged, then grinned. "You know."

"Eh, no harm done," Carly responded, "Wasn't like I was expecting anybody, and it's always nice to see a familiar face. So what brings you around here?"

"Nothing really important. Just came in from the space station looking for something to do. I mean, now that I'm not leader anymore, I've got so much time--" Hot Rod suddenly paused, wavering, then met her eyes. "How are you doing, Mrs. Witwicky?"

"Mrs. Witwicky?" Carly raised an eyebrow at that one. "Since when were you one formal titles? And I'm...well, thank you."

"Well, when you spend three years or so playing lip service to universal ambassadors, certain things become habit." Although he smiled, Carly didn't fail to notice as Hot Rod shifted ever so slightly in discomfort at the reference. "Anyhow, good to hear that you're okay. How're Spike and Dano? I haven't heard for them in awhile, being busy and all."

"Aren't we all just too busy for each other these days?" Now it was her turn to squirm uncomfortably and sigh. "Spike's completely fine, just finishing with a meeting on Cybertron. As for Daniel...well, from what I've managed to gather, the Nebulon doctors saying he's responding well to the binary bonding process." She paused, face becoming unreadable. "Of course, I can't tell you how he feels about the whole thing since I haven't gotten a chance to see or talk to him since before the accident."

If Hot Rod noticed the traces of bitterness lining the edges of her speech, he did not comment upon it. "Good. I haven't seen Danny in awhile either." He gave a wry smile. " 'Course, I haven't had a chance to really interact with him on a personal level for quite awhile. Being leader doesn't exactly leave much time for a social life."

"Tell me about it," Carly rejoined, "I lost contact with nearly all of my college friends shortly after Spike became ambassador. You just don't have the time anymore." She looked up at him meaningfully. "But at least you can catch up on all of that now. You've got the freedom again."

"Yeah, I guess." Hot Rod tried to smile but failed.

Carly blinked at the expression on her guest's face. After all the whispered rumors she had heard from other Autobots and Daniel about Hot Rod's emotional struggle with leadership, she would have expected a different reaction, a brighter smile. Instincts taking over, she turned to him, "What's wrong, Hot Rod?"

The flame-colored 'bot gave a soft sight. "Eh...nothing. It's just...I don't know. Seems funny now that I think about it, but the longer I'm without the Matrix...I kinda miss it. It's one hell of a transition from Autobot leader to just another soldier again, ya know. Worse than the first time. Maybe it's just that I feel useless now. I mean, I don't even have command of a squad, much less an entire army now."

Carly touched a hand to her chin. "Well, have you attempted to speak with Optimus Prime about it?"

Hot Rod gave a bittersweet smile. "And ask for what, Carly? A command I really don't deserve? I think by handing the position back to him, I've already said enough about my ability."

Carly studied him for a moment. "Kup's right, you know. You are too hard on yourself. I've been watching you all these years. You did quite well for your age. And I am not," she added, noticing his face twisting into a reply, "patronizing you." She chuckled, but stopped as he frowned at her and fixed her with a sad look.

"You all say that, you really do...but you don't see what I see. The things the rest of you who don't have to put up with the sidelong glances miss."

Carly blinked at him. "What do you mean?"

Hot Rod gave something of a derisive snort, his expression turning bitter. "Do you guys really think I could've kept command? Honestly? You don't think everyone expected me to give it back? As much as Kup and the other get on my case about it, I know that deep down, they wanted me to give the Matrix back to Prime. I mean, even if I hadn't, there'd still be whispers about me not doing the right thing. Because he's the hero, you know? I'm just some kid who got lucky. It's like I wasn't even there for the past three years."

"You can't really believe that," Carly protested.

Hot Rod turned a cold gaze on her. "What about you, Carly? What did you think?"

"Excuse me?"

"What was the first thing you thought when you learned of Optimus' resurrection? Did you think he was going to take command again?" He glanced at her impatiently. "Well, did you?"

"I...well..."

"Did you?"

Carly looked at her hands almost guiltily. "Well, yes...yes I did. Of course I did. But you can't possibly blame us for it. I've known him much longer than I'd known you, and he was a great leader, an old friend..."

"And I was just some hot-headed kid who ended up being the Chosen One," Hot Rod finished softly. Noticing her turn away slightly, he shook his head sadly. "I don't blame anyone for this, Carly. It just happens. Life happens." He sighed quietly. "I just wish...I don't know...

"I think my biggest problem is simply that nobody talks about it. I mean, sure, I know Optimus was a fantastic leader. I know that. And I know he died for the cause more than once. I respect that. It's part of the reason I felt he deserved the status more than I did. I wouldn't have handed the Matrix back to just anyone.

"But what about me? What about the suffering I went through? Didn't anything I do hold significance at all? I mean, I know I wasn't the best leader, and I know that I could never live up to his reputation, but I wasn't that bad, was I? I gave it my best shot. I sacrificed everything I wanted because I had this newfound responsibility.

"And it's like I wasn't even there for the past three years! As if everything I suffered and sacrificed was for nothing. Am I not the Chosen One? Did I not do as they expected of me? Didn't I save Cybertron and hold off the Decepticon invasion? What about my life now? It's like they don't even care, as if I wasn't even significant enough to consider at the end. And now they just expect me to stand aside and go back to the way things were and pretend as if nothing's wrong..."

Hot Rod finally trailed off, blinking back tears he had not realized were there. Feeling the touch of hand on his arm, he glanced down at Carly. "Sorry," he said softly, "Guess I got carried away again."

"No, don't worry," Carly murmured quietly, "You're allowed to be upset."

He looked down at her again with sad eyes. "Thanks. I guess I ended up doing more than just saying hello." He gave a short, humorless chuckle.

She nodded absently in reply before looking to where her hand was resting on his wrist joint. Assuming he needed a moment, Carly rested her chin on her other hand and absorbed the sudden quiet as Hot Rod stared forlornly into empty space.

"I guess it's sorta like the whole deal with Daniel."

Carly snapped to attention. She looked at him with wary curiosity. "What?"

Hot Rod met her eyes. "Daniel's condition. I'm sorry about what happened, more so about how you had to learn about it." His expression softened sadly. "Nobody should have to goodbye to someone they love that way. It was...careless of us not to contact you immediately." Receiving nothing but silence form the other hand, Hot Rod continued, "But I guess that's life, and life happens. And all that's left to do is move on, I guess." His gaze abruptly turned from hers. "All that suffering," he whispered softly, "so much sacrifice for nothing..."

Carly trembled but fought for composure. In a breath's moment, she was in that room again, crowding in the hallway, looking for her son among the masses and not seeing him, and wondering...wondering where he was...what had happened...

"Do you know what I mean, Carly?"

She looked up and found his optics once more, seeing his eyes as if for the first time, sapphire orbs as worlds of pain. An old man's eyes in a child's body. And she knew what he was really asking.

Do we understand one another, Carly? Do we see eye to eye?

She found herself standing at the crossroads of fate, and in her mind's eye, she saw her husband walking towards her, his face mellow. She saw Arcee, looking different but in such a way that she could not place. She felt her stomach drop as the seconds slowed and time stopped and that sickening realization that her son was not amongst the survivors sank in...

No more bright eyes gazing up at her from her arms. No more walks on Saturdays. No more adventures together. No more hugs, kisses, or other mutual affections.

"Yes, yes I do."

Carly reached out and entwined her hand with Hot Rod's. He looked down at her sadly.

Do we understand each other?

"Yes, yes, yes, yes."

And at last she wept for all that was lost, the days that had come to pass. For those that were gone and left behind, never to be found again.