Transformers Fanfics, Essays, Author Interviews and More...! Established 1996!
Whoa...okay. The resurrection plot did lead to something I liked. I wouldn't put it past the Quintessons to pull something like that off, and I liked the conflict it arose. I also liked the interaction between Prowl and Optimus Prime. However, that seemed to be the only two pieces I really did like...
Most prominently, Rodimus Prime seems really, really out of character. I can understand what you're trying to do, but... Rodimus bends to legislature to look good? This is the guy who broke the rules all the time in both the comic book and television show regardless of what others guys said. In the UK comics, he threw off all pretenses of honor and hired a bounty killer to go after Galvatron because he wanted to be rid of him. In the series, he actually made a deal with Starscream in order to get Galvatron where he wanted. And a million other times where he didn't play by the books. So why would he care now?
Also...Rodimus not immediately following up on Prowl's mysterious resurrection is contradictory to canon presentation of his personally - furthermore, he's usually the guy doing it himself. In "Five Faces of Darkness," when he's trying to find out who kidnapped Ultra Magnus, he immediately seeks out the Decepticons by himself with the help of Grimlock. It's part of his hot-headed nature, but it's also part of his care for his troops. More importantly, in "The Return of Optimus Prime," when he learned from Magnus and the young woman that someone had taken Optimus' remains - and this was second-hand information, mind you, not even proven true - he risked his life and reputation in order to find out what's going on and, if need be, save him.
Knowing this, and having an entire season fo experience where Rodimus by now knows exactly what the Quintessons are capable of, why would he NOT immediately look into Optimus Prime's concerns? For that matter, when did Optimus' word become anything less than the voice of reason, great experience, and reverance to him? This is the kid whose ultimate goal was to be just like Optimus, who threw himself into a battle to save him, who was willing to hand over to a reanimated Prime what was rightfully his just because he thought so highly of the Prime. So why, WHY, would he, with his own experience, with Prime's urging, not follow through with Optimus' concerns?
Of course Prowl and Prime think he's a jerk. I would too if he was acting that stupid! (And for that matter, who said Hot Rod was a jerk? He came off to me as a hot headed, sometimes irritating, but otherwise friendly and charismatic kid with a good heart.) And because Rodimus is OOC, now Optimus and Prowl have to react in an almost OOC fashion just to keep the plot moving. To a degree, I honestly began to think that part of this story is just to make Rodimus look like an idiot.
Whether or not you think Optimus or Rodimus is the better leader, no other characters should suffer in terms of competence or characterization just to make another one seem like their making a better choice. There are pros and cons to each Transformers' decision, and while, yes, this is supposed to be from Optimus Prime's biased POV, the reader should still not have such a biased story as to not be able to see Roddy's position in their own eyes.
Lastly, just a tiny niggle here, but...the idea of the Quintessons digging bodies out of the mausoleum is really stretching it. It's almost as bad as when RotP began with Optimus in good physical condition. Because we saw him blow up...just like we saw/knew that the mausaleum was destroyed. We also know that the Quints behind it were busy battling an Autobot armada, so when did they find time to dig out bodies before the entire thing was melted by the heat of a sun?It's just really screams plot device.
Thus I say...Despite the fact that I like where the plot is going with Prowl and the Quintessons, I do not appreciate some of the mischaracterization in some parts. I would recommend looking over your stuff and rethinking things through before you progressed further. It's otherwise a fantastic story, and I'd really love to see it continue, but that characterization does niggle me so. Good luck. ;-)
P.S. - My apologies on the other review. I completely forgot that HTML had to be used to separate paragraphs.